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GENTLEMEN PLEASE!
Part 2 -The Developmental & Changing Roles of a Man

In Part 1, I have laid the foundation that when God created the first man, it was a vital aspect of this creation that He created the first woman to be his ally and wife. While the man was created with a greater physical strength than the woman, I have pointed out that the reason for this was that he might resemble God’s protective strength for her, and use his physicality to be productive. The woman was not created as a lesser, but as a correspondent to the man. Importantly I also pointed out that when the woman was created she was named ’Isha. While A’dam had been inspecting and naming each of the animals in the region of Eden as an act of vice-regent authority, it is not until after the Fall that Adam then re-names ’Isha as Eve (Gen. 3:20). In this chapter I discuss the God-ordained changing role of a man. I will also note that these changes demand something of a man that the Fall has made difficult for men to do (and I should know): to receive correction with humility.

We begin by considering Genesis 2:24. Notice how many male relationship roles are alluded to in this foundational verse:

¶ Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother
and hold fast to his wife,
and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24

1. Childhood and Youth, Becomes a Son

A man begins his life journey as a son – since the text refers to his father and his mother. A son grows through three phases: Dependence, Independence, and Interdependence.

Dependence in his earlier years, upon his father and mother who provide, care, nurture, protect, train, teach, their son.

Independence in his teen years which can, and often does, lead to rebellion. The role of his father increases in importance to curb and tendency to rebel.

Interdependence involves socialising and cooperating which can lead a young man becoming responsible and reliable. It is one of the hallmarks that a young is becoming a mature adult.

2. Adulthood, A Man Becomes a Husband

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother
and hold fast to his wife,
and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24

The life-journey of a man is expected to involve leaving the home of his father and mother, and cleaving to his wife for a lifetime. As the young man has been trained to be productive, responsible, and attentive to others he has also been prepared to become a husband. He now emulate his father as a protector, provider, and pastor to his wife. His father and mother would have been a model to him of what a marriage and matrimony can positively look like. The Bible teaches us the marriage and matrimony are intrinsically connected. Marriage, the Apostle Paul writes, is a picture of the believer’s relationship to Christ:

For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church,
His body, and is Himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ,
so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
¶ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
so that He might present the church to Himself in splendour,
without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
that she might be holy and without blemish.
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself.
Ephesians 5:23-28

The goal of marriage is thus threefold. Firstly, it a covenant of commitment whereby a man pledged lifelong devotion and faithfulness to his bride so his and her sexuality can be expressed as the highest form of physical intimacy. Secondly, it is to be a means to express and receive selfless love for another so that both the husband and the wife become more holy – that is, Christlike. Thirdly, it is for the purpose of matrimony, “mother-making.”

(14b) Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth,
to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.
(15) Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union?
And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit,
and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. (16)
“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her,
says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence,
says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”
Malachi 2:14b—16

3. Mature Adulthood, A Father

This is the phase of maturity for a husband. When his wife becomes a mother, he must learn how to be sensitive to her new role in life. A maturing father must also learn to raise his children by intention interaction, consistent discipline, improved financial management, and processing a long-term vision for each of his children to become devoted to Christ as His followers.

(1) ¶ Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
(2) “Honour your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),
(3) “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
(4) Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,
but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:1-4

The Wisdom of God’s Word Helps a Man to Grow as a Man of God Through These Phases

A man can benefit from considering the wisdom of the Ten Commandments found in Exodus 20 and repeated in Deuteronomy 5. Particularly note the Fifth Commandment to honour your father and mother and the Sixth Commandment do not commit adultery. The Book of Proverbs also has much to say about being a man:

¶ Listen to your father who gave you life,
and do not despise your mother when she is old.
Proverbs 23:22

¶ I am writing to you, little children,
because your sins are forgiven for his name’s sake.
I am writing to you, fathers,
because you know him who is from the beginning.
I am writing to you, young men,
because you have overcome the evil one.

I write to you, children,
because you know the Father.
I write to you, fathers,
because you know him who is from the beginning.

I write to you, young men,
because you are strong,
and the word of God abides in you,
and you have overcome the evil one.
First John 2:12-14

How to Repair and Restore Relationships Through These Phases

I opened this chapter warning men that this was going to be difficult, because it would require humility.